It's been a long hiatus and I'm feeling like the time might be right to start over. I just refreshed my memory on what I'd written six months ago. Lots has happened since then. I wrote about my friend who was battling a mystery illness. Her name was Amy and she died maybe two weeks after I posted about her. I think she was 39.
We always mythologize people we love who die but she really was pretty cool in a stealth quiet kind way of shining. She was someone who really knew about pacing herself. And pie plates. She had things like 5 extra pie plates, one from her grandma's house across the street, one from the flea market, maybe a few left over from a party. She was that kind of person. She didn't just have the one "perfect" thing, b/c she wasn't worrying what people thought of her. She just had what she had and was just in herself so calmly. That may seem to be about material goods but it shows her spirit. She didn't have a dining room table. She cooked food on this vintage stove, home cooked food mind you and fed her children lovingly. Then she sit on some kid chair and feed herself. You see what I'm saying here. She was living but in that zen calm that just is. Maybe that seems silly and for sure she would not have put it that way but that's how I remember her. She didn't seem to care if dirty dishes were piled up when you came over, she was too busy being with you. Or gardening. I guess I see that in a golden light b/c I so need even just a little of that in my day.
Amy left behind two fairly amazing children and there's nothing golden I can possibly make of that. (Pause to weep a little)
That of course brings up M7(!). He's doing fine. In his own way. He can fold himself into a yoga pretzel and for that I am so grateful. I can't think of any more hopeful sign. He's still falling and everything, he's got some weird physical stuff going on but mostly the kid is fucking alive and that's all I care about.
Not that I can honestly say we are living life in some new way. I think we are still losers who yell at kids. We struggle to get them places on time, have a hard line as far as rules. Screw it. When does the fun start? When do all these "memories" we're supposed to be be making (cue disney music and starry background) goddamn start?
I'll let you know.
